I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
