Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
