I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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