there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize