Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
