Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
