WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
