so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize