He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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