party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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