ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
