She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
