In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
