you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
