The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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