you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
