I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
