I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
