Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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