He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
