How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
