im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
