people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
