Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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