well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
