Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
