So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
