Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize