nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
