Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's shark week go big or go home
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
