I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I cannot find my penis.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
