you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Randomize
