I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
