Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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