You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
