I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
