woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
