Apparently you make a good broom.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize