Do vagina's smell?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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