cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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