You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
