I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
