i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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