my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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