I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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