My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
