So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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