I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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