you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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