it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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