Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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