i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
