so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Are we still banned from the library?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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