one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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