why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
