My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
