If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
