So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
