The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
