so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
