Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize