if you like me you must not know who I am
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
