now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
