I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
