The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
