I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
