Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize