i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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