hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
