Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize