There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
