i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
