i wish there were pregnant emoticons
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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