so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How naked do you want me to be?
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