Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Will you blow on my dice?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
