well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
