Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
