oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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