how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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