i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
