i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
As shirtless as possible
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
