do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
