nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
