where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
