dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
