Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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