As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
