We're like a lot better than the average bears
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
