Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
