I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
