she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
