Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize