i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
